My Only Wish
by Ayame Amerante
Summary: When Raven and Beast boy's relationship goes sour Raven will do anything to salvage it. but why is Beast boy acting so weird? and why does Raven so desperately wonder if it's not worth it anymore? can they fix their broken hearts together?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Lonely

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans- i am merely manipulating them for my selfish pleasure.

please be kind in your reviews

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"SOMETIMES YOU'RE A REAL TWIRP!" She yelled, black energy flowing from her delicate frame.

"AND SOMETIMES YOU'RE A REAL… CREEP!" he retaliated. "EVERYONE WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU! YOU ARE IMPOSSIBLE!"

"ME!?! YOU'RE THE IMPOSSIBLE ONE!" she turned her back to him, stalking out the door. He simply stared blindly as the door to their shared room slammed shut behind the slim figure.

He really should go after her, he should go try to make things right. But Beast boy was so drained of patience when it came to Raven's temper, and Raven was exhausted by his immeasurable immaturity. He could see the end of their relationship coming, and only wanted to hold on as long as possible before they called it quits. He stumbled over the dirty clothes she had left on the floor after her shower. Stumbling across the couples shared bed to his side. He pulled the covers over his head and began to sob. A gut wrenching, pulls you're heart out sob. Normally he wasn't one to cry, but he was so tired of the situation, of the stress, and of the arguments. He was so tired of the pain they brought one another. She was the one person who had been there to help him after Terra and he had been there after Trigon. And after all the memories and great times, it was two small personality quirks that were driving them apart.

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Starfire watched as Raven stalked around the living room for the third time in a week. She was griping, yet again, about BB's lack of maturity, the far too sensitive things he said, the misunderstandings, and his inability to understand her unemotional responses to everything. And BB was adamant about the fact that Raven needed to lighten up and that life wasn't quite as hard as she made it out to be. However, for the first time in longer than anyone had been able to remember, BB was no where to be seen. He had not emerged from their room for about two days, occasionally sounds would be heard. Sounds of a window opening or a drawer being shut but nothing more than random uninsured noises.

"Friend Raven?" Starfire ventured timidly as the goth seated herself across the table from the Tameranian.

Raven lifted the book she had just opened over her eyes. Star got the point and left, leaving to find the boy wonder who would, undoubtedly, be training.

Once the perky red head had left, Raven let her book down and looked about. After a year and a half everything between her and Beast Boy was falling apart. Things had been more than perfect for six months. Then he had claimed the need of space as a reason to break it off.

So she waited for a full year for him to return to her. Waited and waited and waited. Still all the while giving him everything he asked for from her. Companionship, friendship, occasional nights spent together, afternoons of hanging out, dinners out, birthday gifts and hours of complete attention where he told her of the women in his life. Of his "best girl friend" problems (which didn't include her). Of hours and hours of arguments and passionless pecks on the cheeks. She waited all the while breaking her own heart for him. Breaking herself apart to constantly build him up.

And then, on the same day that she was ready to finally say things were over for good, he promised to change. To be that different person she had been waiting for him to be since that day a year before. Since then, she was tired.

This was what she had wanted for so long. Him to come back. To work on fixing their relationship. To mend what they had together broken. For him to love _her_ again the way _he_ had.

Oh- if only it had come sooner. Maybe… just maybe things wouldn't be so hard. So difficult… so-- hopeless. She looked around the room. It was full of so many ghosts. She just needed out. Some way to either end all this- or fix it completely.

Her heart, she knew, was more than shattered. Her body equally broken. She remembered the look on love's face the last time she ventured into nevermore. She was thin, each delicate bone in her face shone through the thin pale skin. Lust and Happiness had since retreated away from her and sadness was there every time she visited.

But love stayed behind.

Love waited at the entrance every time Raven came to see them.

She and Hope.

They had grown weak. So weak that Hope was almost transparent. Like a ghost she floated through Raven's soul…

_If only things could be different… if only life was the way it was before_. She thought, laying her head on the only soft pillow that had it's residence on the couch. _if only_…

Her eyes drifted shut, a dreamless sleep was her only prayer.

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"Hi babe," came a familiar voice that jarred her from her sleep.

She opened her eyes. Looking at the lovely smile. The gleaming eyes. The messy, yet adorable, hair. The built frame. The strong shoulders. The green aura.

"Hey… how long was I asleep?" she asked quietly, yawning into the back of the couch. _yech_ she thought_ morning breath._

"A few hours… you feeling better now?" he placed himself on the side of the couch, running his careful fingers through her hair. Her eyes involuntarily closed again. The warmth of his body and smell of his sweet sweat lulling her into a trance as he spoke and paid her more attention than she could ever hope for.

"I suppose. You know how my headaches get." she moved slightly, the blanket falling from her shoulders. "Where did this come from?" she asked, recognizing the dark, fleece blanket that she had made for him for a gift.

"I brought it to you… figured you were cold." She smiled at his thoughtfulness. Of all of the things he could have done for her, this was simply the best and most personal thing she could have asked for in that moment.

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She awoke alone again. A clap of thunder arousing her from her dream. Cold and wet from the rain that had blown in through the open window, she sat alone. He wasn't there. No blanket over her cold and shaking body. No hands through her hair. No hand to hold or to enjoy as it played with her hair.

He hadn't come for her like she had hoped he would and she was alone again.


	2. Chapter 2

-1Chapter two: scared

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans and am purely manipulating them for my selfish pleasure.

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"Ive never had some one care about me so much before ... and Ive defiantly never felt this way about any one before its just taking a while for me to adjust and I'm sorry. i love you more than you can imagine though. ... ugh i can't beleive im going to tell you this but oh well... i know that you love me. and i love you too ... soooo much. but because i've never had any one care about me so much or ive never cared about some one so much im just afraid all of the time... afraid that this feelings going to go away and ill be sad again ... afraid you're going to stop loving me ... I'm afraid im going to lose you ... and because im afraid of that im not acting like i want to be acting ... and im afraid that because im not acting the way i want to be acting that ... its going to make you stop loving me ... its jsut a vicious cycle and its making me upset ... dont worry about trying to cheer me up or any thing because i know you lvoe me and i know youre not going to leave me its just my mind doing awful things to me and as long as i see you smile i know every things going to be alright ... thats all you ever have to do to cheer me up ... give me a hug and smile at me .. i love your smile so much ... you really are more beautiful than any one else on the planet"

2/16

She hated it when she did this. Her floor was littered with old notes and letters, dried flowers, movie ticket stubs, journal entries, and random-seemingly worthless- memorabilia. She was never this… girly. But she needed some reminder of why she was here.

Did she still love him?

Of course she did.

Did he still love her?

So he said.

Although things in the past week had gotten progressively better- she still felt alone. He had left their room and they were now speaking and back to… as close to normal as they could be.

It was weird for her, though. She wanted nothing more than to have things the way they used to be. And she knew they never would be exactly that way again… but she wished, oh god she wished, things could be a little easier. That she always knew for sure if it was worth it. If waiting was going to pay off.

It was confusing. When Star or Robin or Cy would ask if they were together she would answer with a "kinda… it's still complicated" or when she would be with people that didn't know the current situation-- she'd have to explain that they weren't dating… but they weren't seeing other people.

She leaned back against the bed. His snoring was absent.

She knew his sleep cycles. She knew him so well. BB would fall asleep, twitch (quite literally) and jar her awake as he flipped between conscious and unconscious, he would then snore a little until he fell deep enough into sleep that he would be silent.

But if this was what she had wanted for so long… why did it not feel right? Why couldn't she bite her tongue when they were fighting? Why couldn't she unconditionally trust him even though she so desperately wanted to? Why couldn't they just fix it so they were both happy?

She looked over the crest of blankets, the dim lighting shone on his back, hunched and away from her. He wasn't happy-- or at least he didn't seem to be. So what were they doing?

Why couldn't all of the trying that she had been doing pay off? Why couldn't he love her the way he used to? Why couldn't she open up like she used to?

She guessed the words he had written to her so long ago-- before all of this started-- summed it up.

They were afraid. Two titans who helped protect a fearful city from a world of crime, heartbreak, and hatred… were scared themselves.

Maybe, just maybe, they'd have a talk in the morning.


End file.
